omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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