if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
