a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Too much gin, very little bucket
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
