i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
