I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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