That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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