i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
