I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
