Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
