I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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