I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize