Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ruined the universe
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
