like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
