he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
