Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
