I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
