You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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