And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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