i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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