What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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