2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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