Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
