i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize