First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
