his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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