The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
