And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
