Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Holy shit dude........stairs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
