i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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