just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
