Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she looked like the before picture.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
