New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
