So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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