Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
