he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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