sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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