she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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