I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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