he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
