I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
