he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
