we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
