Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize