i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
