I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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