when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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