do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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