They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
