none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
