it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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