Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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