Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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