You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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