I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize