Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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