just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
