there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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