And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm always down for nudity.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
