my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
