I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
