What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize