My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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