I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
