You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need to calm my uterus...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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