our cab driver is having phone sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
