how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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