If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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