I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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