he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
