I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
