My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
