i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
